Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Me - Tom MacMasters. You - someone who thinks I’m an Arab Lesbian online, when really I’m just another hetwhiteboy.

It’s summer. It’s hot. So the other day, I headed to the beach with my towel and a graphic novel about a tough guy who has lots of sex and kicks ass. It’s written and drawn by a hetwhiteboy who rarely has sex and never kicks ass. It’s great.

When I got to the beach, it was almost empty. It was a weekday and this beach is a little off the beaten track. Mostly people go there to get away from the world. I go there because sometimes there are women with their tops off.

I saw a group of women a long way down the beach. Three brunettes, and from a distance they seemed like they might be Middle Eastern. Were they Lesbians? I could only hope.

I settled in about four feet away from them. My beach towel has a picture of a beautiful belly dancer swaying in front of the pyramids.

I was minding my own business, pretending to read my virile graphic novel while I eavesdropped on their conversation, trying to decode their chitchat to see if they were Arab Gay Girls.

Out of nowhere one of them says to me, “Why do you have to sit so close to us? The entire beach practically empty!”

I was shocked. I hadn’t even jerked off yet. This was a public beach! I had a right to sit close to them and stare at their half-naked bodies and listen in on their private words. Who did they think they were?

I told them as much.

Then one of them threw a rock at me!

No, I didn’t run away crying. I just walked back to my car a little quickly and the wind caused my eyes to tear up.