Recently I’ve heard a lot of sniggering about the fact that one of my Lesbian email correspondents was another hetwhiteboy pretending to be a Lesbian online. My darling Sapphic Sweetheart, my own Muff-Diving Muffin, was actually a hetwhiteboy named Bill Graber.
I was devastated to discover this hoax, as I had grown extremely fond of this emailing Lesbian. She reached in and grabbed my heart with her same-sex loving fingers. We shared real womanly Lesbian love, the deepest and most truthful love there is.
I’m reposting one of our email exchanges. I defy anyone to uncover a single clue that this was a terrible lie. There’s no way that the messages we sent could NOT have come from two real Lesbian womanly girls, one of them Arab even.
Lesbian 1: I love what you write online! I can tell by your words that you’re a beautiful Lesbian gay girl who is full of sexual love for other Lesbian gay girl women. Do you have big breasts?
Lesbian 2: Thanks! I do have big breasts. Big Arab Lesbian breasts. Don’t you just hate the patriarchy?
Lesbian 1: Do I? Sometimes I get so mad at the patriarchy, I breathe really hard and my large breasts heave up and down in a delightful rhythmic motion.
Lesbian 2: Me, too! But I do it in Arabic. I’m a vegetarian and I have 6 cats.
Lesbian 1: I hate meat. I have 4 cats, and I named them all after third-world feministic Lesbian goddesses.
Lesbian 2: I love third-world feministic Lesbian goddesses, too! We have so much in common! I’ll bet we’d be hot and sexy together! I love Lesbian gay girl ladies and having sex with them!
Lesbian 1: Oh yeah! And wouldn’t it be fun if a hetwhiteboy joined us?
Lesbian 2: Oh, you’re getting me so hard. I mean wet. I mean, yes I love Arab Lesbian sex with hetwhiteboys, especially writers.
Lesbian 1: And we could make the hetwhiteboy so happy.
Lesbian 2: Oh yesssss...
See? That’s true Lesbian love, with one of them Arab. That’s sounds exactly how 100% real actual Lesbians talk. How could I have possibly known that it was all a mean, deceptive trick?
So stop laughing at me. My heart is broken.
Dear God,
ReplyDeleteThank you that this exists.
-blacklisted
blacklisted - God is really a pagan heretic pretending to be an omnipotent diety on the internet.
ReplyDeletethat was hot.
ReplyDeleteI can feel a musical coming on.
ReplyDeleteOh cool, is he on Twitter? Give him my user name: @blacklisted140 and ask him if he prefers "femme" or "butch," he'll know what I mean.
ReplyDelete