Monday, June 27, 2011

Masterful Hetwhiteboy Writing Power

Who am I? I’m Tom MacMaster.
I do cyber-impersonations of Arab Lesbians.

Everyone is so disgusted with me. Why? All I did was write out my exciting hetwhiteboy fantasies and post them online as if they were real. Can I help it if my writing was so good that people believed my lies?

Furthermore, I didn’t only fool Arab Lesbians, but real hetwhite people, too.

Let’s face it, Arab Lesbians are so hungry for validation that they’ll devour any depiction of themselves in the arts and media. But actual mainstream media hetfolks also were smitten by my manly wordsmithy. And that proves exactly how really extremely supremely talented I am.

Journalists are busy people and they believe anything posted online backed up by a few email messages. And when you include a stolen facebook photo and some flimsy excuses about not being able to appear in public, then they’ll take it as gospel. The Guardian, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Al Jazeera, and NPR all recognized my glorious skills. Why can’t everybody else?

People say my writing was false. But if it appears on the internet, it’s got to be real. Especially if the writing get lots of hits and a great many followers.

So where’s the love? Where are my book deals and pundit offers and film proposals? I’m a hetwhiteboy, goshdarnit! I should be making piles of money off all this.

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